


armor

by ptxftstark



Category: Avengers, Captain America, Iron Man - Fandom, MCU, Marvel, Steve Rogers - Fandom, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark - Fandom, Tony Stark - Fandom, stevetony - Fandom, stony - Fandom
Genre: Avengers Endgame, Comfort, Completed, Death, Endgame, Fluff, Grief, M/M, Mourning, Non-Sexual Intimacy, endgame re-written, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-18 01:21:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19966384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ptxftstark/pseuds/ptxftstark
Summary: you could hear his voice start to crack. steve was once again hacking away at tony's armor, but this time not with an anger or rage. steve, wether or not he was aware of it, was chipping down tony's wall. his armor. his shield. bit by bit.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hiii welcome to my first fic!! this takes place a few days after tony and nebula land back on earth at the beginning of endgame. im not gonna follow the endgame timeline, aka probably not do the 5 year time jump, but go with the same time heist idea. ive only written one chapter so i'll see how it goes and maybe add more if people like it? anyways here you go :D

while the others sprawled out around the compound living room, tony sat on a barstool in the kitchen. the day was normal, as normal as it had been since everything. quiet and calm, yet bleak. 

'uh..hi,' a nervous voice choked from behind tony. 'mind if i join you?'

silence.

tony and steve have barely spoken since that first day when tony landed. if tony wasn't screaming at the blonde super soldier, he was disregarding his existence completely. that was the only way.

'look, i know you're still mad at me-'

'mad? no, but good try. gold star.'

'tony i-'

'no i'm not mad.' tony's voice was still quiet as to not disturb the others, but with an intensity and passion that can't be ignored. a rage, a fury. 'hurt. broken, even. do you have any idea what that felt like, looking up to see you, you perfect little precious star you, hacking away at my armor with your shield. cutting and ripping and tearing until-'

'have i not apologized since th-'

'zip it.' his voice started to rise, but he caught himself. 'i trusted you. and i guess it hurt so bad because....' he quieted down. he placed his head in his hands, wanting more than anything for that moment to be over. he wanted to disappear into the floorboards or summon his armor to hide his shame or do anything but have to say what he wanted to say so badly but couldn't-

and that's when steve's hand gently touched his shoulder. a sacred touch, so light that tony almost didn't feel its comforting warmth, but enough to ground tony back to a bit of sanity. it was enough.

'because why, tony?' steve asked softly. the softest tony had ever heard him. you could tell from his tone alone his empathy, his inner crave to heal tony in any way possible. 

'because i love you, steve,' he blurted. steve felt a slight blush race across his cheeks, his face burning with embarassment, with satisfaction, with excitement? And with a thousand questions.

'not like that, keep it in your pants, rogers.' tony said bluntly. this made steve release a light chuckle, yet the billionare couldn't tell if it was out of relief, akwardness, or pure enjoyment of tony's suddenly lighthearted banter. either way, it was nice to hear that laugh again.

'like i love all of these guys. nat, banner, all of you are.... we're a family, i guess you could say. and out of everyone, out of all of these heroes and heroines, out of every one of our arrogant, egocentric souls, you were the last one i would think would ever turn against me. and i missed you. a lot. i thought about you in that damn spaceship and all the things i wish i said or did every damn day. and all i wanted to do was make things right but i couldn't, hell i didn't know if i was ever going to say anything to you again.'

tony never broke, never cracked. never showed the tiniest hint of weakness. but as he said those last words, if you listen close enough, you could hear his voice start to crack. steve was once again hacking away at tony's armor, but this time not with an anger or rage. steve, wether or not he was aware of it, was chipping down tony's wall. his armor. his shield. bit by bit. tony began to allow himself to be more open. to lift that mask.

tony slid his glasses further up the bridge of his nose, hoping the shadow from the thick brims would disguise any tears he accidentally shed.

'tony,' steve started with hesitence, 'i want you to know that i... uh... i care about you. our friendship means, or meant, more than most everything else in my life. because we've fought with eachother, against eachother, and we've grown together.' with this, steve's hand slowly slides across tony's back to his further shoulder, steve's broad arm now wrapped around the smaller man in a way that should have felt weird, but didn't. huh.

and for a moment, tony leaned into it. without thinking of course, that armor came off. tony melted into steve's touch, his head resting on the soldier's shoulder. it was peaceful. the most pleasant thing tony had felt in lord knows how long. safety. security. he was home. he let his eyes slip shut as they breathed. he could feel steve's chest rise and fall, and somehow just feeling that against tony's skin made him feel better about everything. knowing that his heart continued to beat, his chest continued to rise, and that he could feel that once and for all without being left to wonder. if they could ever make amends. tony wasn't even sure if steve even survived until he saw the worried man run like hell towards him that night, the first to help him off the ship, and the first person he wanted to see. besides pepper, of course. of course...

tony cleared his throat and julted forward, breaking the contact between the two men. 

'god that was cheesey. how long have you been practicing that one, huh?' he laughed to himself, wiping his brain of the moment they just shared. as it never existed.

a pause.

'look. are we okay? because if we're not i have no idea what the hell i'm gonna do with myself.'

'of course.'

and with that, steve got up and walked away. and tony found himself looking over his shoulder, admiring the figure that strutted away from him, and longing to feel the safety of his touch once again


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i’ve decided where i want this to go!! im gonna kinda rewrite endgame, still following the same plot, but without the 5 year time jump. so the whole time heist thing happened pretty soon after they killed thanos in the garden. so yes, this means no morgan :/ also i hope ur all liking this?? its my first fic and it got 100 reads within the first 2 hours which is CRAZY yall are crazy follow me on twitter ig @ ptxftstark anyways!!! hope u enjoy :D

“so you’re trying to tell us that you want to... make a time machine?”

“no not a time machine it’s...yeah like a time machine.”

the last time tony saw this starstruck, akward man was at that airport in germany. mind you, he was a lot bigger then. still, every time he looked at that goofy-grinned face he thought of that day. as if he needed more reminders.

“but thats in the past”, he kept telling himself.  
“leave it in the past, where it belongs. cap and i are.. good now, i think. god where is he, i want to see him. i wonder if-“

“tony? you ok?” natasha asked, snapping tony out of his daily thought spiral. 

“yeah. so time travel? i’m not so sure that’s our best bet here.”

“what other choice do we have?” a familiar, strong voice boomed from behind tony. a weight instantly lifted off his shoulders as he saw steve walk in, chest puffed, shoulders back, hands placed on his belt. this made tony grin ever-so-slightly, happy to see the captain back in his heroic pose. happy to see at least one thing hasn’t changed.

“what if we make things worse. we could mess up the timeline. literal chaos could ensue from the simplest mistake. its a suicide mission.” tony walked to sit on the couch, facing the group.

“tony, there’s always a thousand reasons not to do something.”

“what about pep? i can’t leave her here, alone and-“ his head turned towards the side table, making him stop in his tracks. a wooden picture frame lay on the table’s surface. a small, innocent, incredible kid holding a stark internship certificate was staring up at him, begging for a second chance. though the photo was still, tony could see the all-too familiar tears rolling down peter’s cheeks. he could hear the pleading, the desperation, could practically feel the ash between his fingers. 

he took his glasses off, rubbing his eyes. trying to erase any tears that were brave enough to escape their prison.

and then he felt it, that damn comforting touch once again. standing behind him, steve places a gentle hand on tony’s shoulder. he knows the genius so well to know that a touch on the shoulder is exactly what he needed. a reminder of someone behind him, supporting him, grounding him back to reality, but still giving him space so he doesn’t feel smuthered or pittied. steve was caring that way.

“i think you know this is a risk we have to take.”

“plus pep’s a badass, she can fend for herself,” said natasha, adding some light to the grim atmosphere.

“i have to go.” tony said before rushing out. the thought of almost breaking down infront of the entire team, despite their love and compassion for the broken man, was more than terrifying. he’s a leader, he’s the man with the suit of armor. he’s unbreakable, strong as the steel he wears on his chest. or so he wanted them to believe.

tony spent the next few hours in his lab, empty beer bottles scattered across the floor. 

“do you have any beer left for an old friend, or did you drink the whole world’s supply?”

steve. damn.

tony felt his heartrate increase when hearing his booming voice. he didnt want to be this drunk around him. this open, or vulnerable, or exposed. but he couldn’t bring himself to tell him to leave.

“knock yourself out. cooler’s in the corner.” 

“so how’s the whole, time travel thing coming? god that’s something i never thought i’d say,” steve says with a kind smile, pulling up a stool to tony’s work table. steve used to watch tony work sometimes. at first because he was awestruck by the incredible advances in technology since his time, but it eventually became about spending time with tony. he would just watch, careful not to interupt and be sent out, but just observed. those were some of steve’s favorite times, there was something beautiful watching this brilliant mind in action. and though he hated to admit it, tony enjoyed the company. sometimes he would bring his sketchbook down there, just so he could also feel productive. those worn pages are filled with pencil sketches of tony, his suits, his tired eyes and messy hair after hours of experimenting.

one night in particular makes steve’s heart flutter to this day. it was years ago, and he had drifted off with his head on tony’s work station. when he awoke in the morning, a blanket was covering his shoulders. this was before the two were close, but steve enjoyed seeing tony’s softer side. 

it felt better than either two were willing to admit to be back in the lab side by side. the familiarity was comforting, it was safe. 

tony had made incredible progress, steve assumes. he has absolutely no clue what’s happening. but eventually, after another case of beer, tony passed out on the couch near his work station. it made the captain smile, how peaceful tony looked. he never got to see tony calm, or content. he grabbed the blanket hanging over the couch’s arm, and draped it over tony’s limp body. he squated down to be on the eye-level as the man infront of him, and gently removed his glasses so he could be more comfortable. he then brushes the hair out of his face, and gets up to leave. he can finally return the favor from all those years ago. even if they couldn’t crack time travel, steve felt as if he jumped back to the nights in the lab years ago. and that he views as a huge success.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to chapter 3!! i thought i would use this chapter to grow steve and tony’s relationship a bit before the heist ;) i was just gonna do one more chapter before the heist but i think i’m gonna break it into two?? i wanna write a bit more fluff before uhhhh the final battle ha...ha so enjoy and hey if ur reading this GO DRINK SOME WATER! STAY HYDRATED!! <3

across the whiteboard lay dozens of combinations of locations of the stones. each teammate’s different handwriting with a different color of marker made for a huge mess, but when you took a step back it was kind of beautiful. how hard they were all working, how creative they had to get. 

steve found himself staring at tony as he added his thoughts to the board, forehead creased and eyes squinted in concentration. 

each time steve found himself staring, his heart would drop with panic. he always knew him and tony had a kind of, unspoken connection. two magnets drawn to one another, for no rhyme or reason, constantly getting closer despite their resistance. he had no idea why, quite frankly. he hadn’t really cared this way for a male since bucky, back before the war. but their passion was, undenyable. natasha constantly teased the two boys about it, usually resulting in a tackle from steve or a death glare from tony. god, despite how mature you have to be for a job like this, the team could be real children if given the oppurtunity.

the soldier had wanted to admit his feelings for tony for a long time. he wasn’t even sure what these feelings were, he just knew he wanted to tell this man how much he meant to him. otherwise he would physically explode, he was afraid. usually right after a battle, after he saw the steel body free-falling thousands of feet above new york city, or if tony simply doesnt immediately get up after being hit, he would feel this urge the strongest. when steve thinks he could lose him, when he feels that sudden rush of emotion and fear that makes him feel like his chest is closing in and he can’t breathe, he can’t move or think before he knows tony is safe. it would be the same for any of his teammates, he told himself. which was true. but this was... a different kind of worry. and deep down, beneath all of the denial and fear of rejection, he knew that. he knew that all too well.

“alright everyone,” spoke bruce from the front of the room. “i think we have a plan. two on morag, three in new york, one in asgard. now everyone remember, as good as this plan may seem, we have to be extremely careful. choose your path wisely, every move you make is vital.”

and suddenly steve felt that pain again. vital. this mission was vital. theres a chance we don’t make it back. that tony doesn’t make it back. this is the fight of our lives... 

“tony, can i... talk to you for a second?”

the smaller man looked slightly surprised, but didn’t say no or look irritated. a good sign with him.

tony followed steve around the corner into the hall. 

“what’s up, cap?” 

“uh... im not.. im not totally sure, actually,” he said with a crooked smile. “i just was thinking about some stuff and needed to talk to you or.. i wanted to talk to you i guess i didn’t really NEED to you know what? this isnt the most important thing right now we’re about to do this whole time heist by the way which place do you want to go to? i was thinking new york ‘cause we know it well but asgard sounds kind of cool and-“

“woah, chill out. whats going on with you?” usually something like this coming from tony would sound judgemental and cold, but steve could tell beneath that facade there was a hint of worry. he’s always been able to read tony, with or without his armor on.

“i just... i just wanted to let you know that i’m happy we’re good now, i guess. i missed you and i care about you.. a lot.” 

tony just looked up at steve. silent, but speaking through his eyes. intensley looking back and forth between the two, bright blue oceans that lay upon steve’s pale face, getting lost in their glittering waves. it was an interaction growing to be more intense, more burning than anything either of them had experienced before. not only with eachother, this was a new level of emotion. 

“fuck, i’m gonna regret this,” tony said breathlessly. and with that, he pushed steve up against the wall behind them, capturing his lips in a long-awaited kiss. this was the closure both of them had so desperately craved, a moment of pure reconcilliation and forgiveness. a moment of moving forward. 

steve stiffened at the sudden act, but melted into his touch in a matter of seconds. his hands rested on the shorter boy’s hips, while the other had one hand on the wall beside his head, and one relaxed on his chest. feeling his heartbeat, wanting to get as close to him as possible. the kiss was intense, but sweet. slow, the two men savoring every tender moment.

tony finally broke the kiss, gasping for air. their foreheads lay against one another, both smiling and enjoying the others warm presence. 

“finally.” tony exhaled.

“thank god you did that first, i never could have.”

“what, you scared of me? i don’t bi-“

a voice clears their throat from behind the couple. “oh god,” tony says, hiding his face in steve’s chest, as if that would magically make him disappear. 

“i KNEW IT!” squeeled natasha, “how long has this been happening? oh my god are you two dating??? tony what about pepper? how did-“

“slow your roll, romanoff. this was the first time. let’s not make a big deal-“

“woah-hoa-hoa!!!! what’s going on here?” clint said, coming up behind nat with a grin. 

“they were kissing one another.” nebula said bluntly.

“GET A ROOM!” yelled rocket from the other room.

“my two little earthlings! how incredible you two are making love.”

steve was blushing beyond belief, unsure of how to even begin to respond. 

“alright, one at a time,” tony stepped away from steve and approached his team. “nat, calm down. clint? keep it in your pants. the build-a-bear isn’t even a part of this conversation. and making love? ok grandpa. are we done here?”

it made steve chuckle how fast tony could come up with whitty comebacks. he really did love everything about this man.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is kinda short / boring / i havent updated in a while my motivation level is 0 BUT!! i thought this was cute and kind of a transition chapter into the HEIST which will be next!!! lmk what u think cuties

that same night, tony deicded to tell pepper what he did. not that he was in a relationship with steve, he had no clue what he was doing, which worried him. he liked having an exact plan, the uncertainty of the future an all too familiar fear.

but as hard as it was, he couldn’t live with himself if he had kept this a secret from the strawberry blonde. she deserves better than that. she deserves better than him, he thought.

he still cared for pepper, immensely. and quite frankly he didn’t want to be one of the gay kids he, unfortunately, made fun of in high school. but everything he’s feeling was going along with the classic story. realizing you were different. repressing it. finally acting on it. and he knew what came next, acceptance.

the conversation was intense, hours of screaming and crying, hugging and apologies, sweet nothings, and an overwhelming fear of change all rolled into three long hours. 

he hated seeing pepper hurt. but being the incredible person she is, she understood. tony couldn’t help but think deep down she already knew.

“i really am so sorry, pep. i-“

“i know.” she gave him one of her sweet smiles, tears still glistening on her skin.

“i have been working on something for you, though. if anything happens and i’m not there to uh, protect you. as i always do so perfectly. every time, may i add.”

she rolls her eyes. “and what is that?”

“a suit. don’t worry you can still see your amazing ass in it. i worked very carefully on that design.”

“tony-“

“right. my bad i... shouldn’t talk like that anymore. god this-

she stopped him with a soft, slow kiss on the cheek. “im sure its perfect. thank you. and please know i’m here for you.”

“hey, if all goes well and steve and i need a surrogate...? what do you say?”

“get out.”

——————————————————

the team continued their planning bright and early the next morning. steve and tony shared a bed at the compound that night, not on purpose, though. steve came in to check on tony once he returned home, and they began talking. about tony’s feelings, about how they realized they may have liked men, about nothing and everything all at the same time. 

tony had had an emotionally draining day, and as the two men lay facing eachother, tony eventually drifted off. steve studied his face for a moment, and noticed that even in his sleep, tony had a slight, comfortable smile. the soldier wished this moment could last forever. 

when they walked out of tony’s room that morning, almost on cue natasha came out of her room across the hall. she stopped in her tracks when she saw both tony and steve. together. in the morning. coming out of a bedroom.

“don’t even start, nothing happened.” steve said quickly.

“i didnt think anything did,” she said smiling. “well.... now i do.”

the two decided, without speaking, to not talk about what this... thing was between them. there were more important things to worry about. 

but there was something about this, spontaneous, crazy experience that was so exhilarating to both of them. a trained soldier, used to order, tradition. a closed off man, raised to repress any emotions rather than act on them. so out of their comfort zones, so new, so fresh, but so safe. as long as they were with eachother, it didn’t seem so scary.

steve sat on the couch, and tony lay with his head on steve’s lap. steve loosely dances his fingers through tony’s spiked hair, without even thinking. tony bites his lip thinking about this.

“steve and tony, you’ll be taking scott to new york. 2012. that means getting loki’s scepter AND the tesseract, but seeing that you two work so well together...”

“don’t even think about finishing that sentence.” warned tony from the other side of the room.

“i’ll be joining you and getting the mind stone from strange. nebula and rhodes, you’ll go to morag for the power stone, and natasha and clint will go to vormir. that leaves thor and rocket to get reality on asgard. anyone have any questions?”

“i think we’re ready.”

everyone looked at steve, ready for orders.

“you all heard natasha. let’s suit up.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its been so long, heres a long ass chapter!!! it ends at kind of a weird place but ignore that pls lmao

after changing into the snug, not yet broken-in new suits, steve walked out of his room into the living room, scanning for tony. the only one not present. 

tony heard a soft knock at the door of his bedroom, and turned around to see the tall blonde leaning against his door frame, arms crossed, lips curved into a slight sympathetic smile, eyes sparkling.

tony was sitting on the foot of his bed, head in his hands. as he looked up at steve and the light hit his eyes, steve could see the soft glisten of tears beginning to brim. steve’s face instantly lost its kind smile, worriedly rushing to tony’s bedside, kneeling on the ground facing the billionare. 

‘tony, what’s going on?’ 

‘it’s nothing, is everyone ready? how does the suit fit? i didnt have everyone’s exact measurements so i kind of had to guess on some parts, i left a little extra room in.. you know i guess thats just me being optomistic. did the serum make that bigger too? not to force you into sex or anything only when you’re ready of course sorry i shouldn’t have said anything about your di-‘

‘tony.’ 

steve’s doughy eyes and calm voice were enough to shut tony up. thank god he didn’t continue with that thought process.

‘you’re doing it again, you know. i thought we were done with that.’

‘what?’

‘your armor is back on.’

‘i dont know what you’re on, rogers, and you do you i guess, but my suit is not on right now.’

‘you know what i mean. that wall you put up. you were finally letting me through. something big must be bothering you right now. talk to me.’

‘we have the mission to do and-‘

‘and we can’t do it well without a clear head. so talk, or i’ll tell natasha you’re my boyfriend. i dont care whether or not that’s true right now, but you’ll face the never-ending list of her questions for the rest of your life.’

‘the rest of my life may not be that long maybe its worth it-‘

‘what did you just say?’

‘it should have been me you know. god that fucking kid had so much more to live for than i did, so much more ahead of him. so many people did. why me? why spare me? and now my only chance to fix all that is right infront of me and if it doesn’t work-‘

‘it will.’ steve reassured, grabbing tony’s hand, rubbing his thumb in slow circles to keep tony as grounded as he could.

‘yeah but what if it doesn’t. we thought he would win last time didn’t we. and look where we are now, half of the entire fucking world lost people because of us, because of me. if i can’t make that right now what’s the point of letting me survive at all.’

you could see steve’s heart shatter in that moment, the pain in his chest unbareable as his lungs fill with fear and guilt and panic rather than oxygen.

‘you..... you don’t mean that,’ steve said, voice cracking. he was trying desperately to convince himself this wasn’t true.

tony remained silent, but his swelled eyes spoke to steve more than words ever could. a scared child trapped behind this facade, this armor, begging to be set free but unsure of how. 

‘now you listen to me,’ steve croaked, ‘ever since that day in new york, even before all this romantic shit-‘

‘that’s a bad language word,’ tony mumbled under his breath, followed by a classic smirk of his.

steve chuckled slightly, ‘god will you please let me finish?’ a pause. ‘i was wrong about you. you tried to sacrifice yourself for the greater good, and have continued to be selfless in your own unique way countless times ever since. and it hurts more than anything that u can’t see how amazing that is. how amazing YOU are. and, god forbid, something goes wrong, i want more than anything else for you to hear me and believe me when i tell you i wish i was more like you. so intelligent, so strong, so forgiving. you showed me who i could be. you helped me grow. and im just one of the hundreds of thousands of people you’ve saved. you gave all of us a family. we lost last time, but now that we’re together? there’s no way we won’t succeed. USE that pain as fuel, as a fire, a reason to succeed. to survive to see our success. you deserve nothing less.’

it was impossible for tony to hear compliments, let alone his childhood idol, his dad’s ‘son he never had’, someone he had envied and modeled himself after telling him that he... he saved him. not only could he not believe it, something in him didn’t want to. so many emotions spiraled inside him: pride, fear, guilt, even love. the only way these could be expressed was to completely break down. 

he let out a sob, throwing himself into steve’s arms, purposefully putting his arm’s under steve’s so he could feel protected by him, so he could feel cared for. steve hugged back with a great force, holding onto tony as if he would slip away if he let go even for a moment. steve’s one hand was brushing though his thick hair, the other rubbing gentle circles on his back. he let tony sob until they dissolved into small sniffles, then silence.

‘you okay?’

‘i will be. thank you. lets just get them back.’

steve placed his hands on tony’s cheeks, cupping his face in his palms. ‘for peter.’ he said.

‘for bucky.’ 

‘for everyone.’

————————————————

as they stepped into position, steve gave one of his show-stopping speeches. while inspirational as hell, nothing would compare to what he said in tony’s bedroom. but that was just for the two of them. 

and with a quick send off, everyone split to their respective time periods. steve was overwhelmed not only with the beauty of a new realm, but how all of this was possible because of tony’s brilliant brain. the thought made him fill to the brim with pride.

they landed in new york, 2012. a scene all too familiar and not one tony had ever planned on revisiting. he felt like he was in one of his nightmares, but this time there was no escaping. no waking up. no end.

this caused him to start breathing more heavily, feeling lightheaded. he couldn’t wake up why couldn’t he wake up the aliens are back gun shots and crashing buildings and car alarms and the portal above them the portal the wormhole the wormhole was this is a dream it’s all a dream it’s all a dream it’s all-

steve’s fingers intertwined with tony’s. steve knew instantly what was happening and wanted more than anything to help him escape his spiral. ‘hey, i got you. do you trust me?’

‘i do,’ he responded, still out of breath.

‘then hold on to my hand as tight as you need. i’m right here.’

and while this didn’t fix everything, a small weight was lifted off of tony’s chest. 

————————

it was a strange sensation for steve seeing a version of himself where he didn’t love tony as much as he did now. it didnt seem like such a drastic of a change as he was falling for him, but looking from where they started? where they are would be laughable to this version of the super-soldier. he chuckled at the thought of telling his old self everything that happened. part of him wanted to warn the old steve, the other part wanted to tell him how excited he was for him. that he got to experience falling in love with one of his best friends. he found this comforting in a way, how far they’ve both come. seperated and together, their growth is unmatched. 

‘that suit did nothing for your ass,’ steve hears over the intercom, snapping him out of his inner monologue. this. this made him so incredibly happy, so releaved. he was able to joke with, hear the voice of, be with, this beautiful, exceptional man every day. and hopefully for every day to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed!! im almost done, maybe two or three more chapters to go, but maybe ill start another fic after that?? any suggestions??


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to the second to last chapter :) this one is the major character death so.. beware n stay safe <3

after a detour, an overly-eager scott lang third-wheel, and a literal heart attack from tony, a slight feeling of hope was felt inside both of the men. they may have just succeeded. tony especially didn’t want to believe he could have done something like this, something so good. he didn’t know why, but that thought made him feel immensely guilty and selfish. like he wasn’t worthy of succeeding.

they zapped back to headquarters along with the rest of their teammates, each one looking at the others with hope and excitement. did they actually do it?

‘clint, where’s nat?’

steve’s heart dropped. eye’s darting across the circle for the firey red hair. this had to be one of her pranks, right?

while they were never together, nat and steve had a special connection. an unspoken love for one another, an undeniable friendship, built on support and trust. even when she disagreed with steve over the accords, she couldn’t bare to see him hurt. she flew across the ocean just to give him a hug when he lost peggy. and all steve did was fail to protect her, fight for her. he failed her. failed. failure.

tony looked at steve immediately. while he was also deeply saddened by the loss of a long-term friendship, someone who he respected and cared about, a family member, he knew steve would take this harder than him. the blonde was staring straight ahead, face motionless besides the occasional furrow of his brows, showing a new train of thought, more painful than the last. he looked ghostly, as if he wasnt real, so distant. tony knows steve all too well to ignore this fact. he can mourn natasha later, what matters in this moment is being there for steve when he’s spiraling, like he’d done fo him countless times.

tony’s never been the best at comforting people, never been great at emotions at all for that matter. but he wanted to hug steve more than anything else in that moment. he needs to hold on to him before he loses anyone else. steve immediately lost himself in tony’s arms, head tucked inbetween his neck and shoulders, wanting to get as close as possible. he barely even felt tony’s warm touch, he was so empty, so lost.

___________________________________

the building had erupt into flames and ashes, everyone scattered and trapped beneath the rubble of what they once had built. tony awoke, instantly scanning for blonde hair anywhere in his line of sight.

he finally found steve unconscious on the ground a short way’s away, fearing the worst. the bottled up guilt from nat’s death had already been nearly enough to handle, if this man didn’t wake up...

‘come on honey wake up!’ he said with such urgency, kicking steve’s limp body in attempt to shock him into consciousness.

steve inhaled sharply, dazed and confused. ‘that’s my man.’ tony said, exhaling with releif. he reached his arm out to help steve stand, and couldn’t help himself when their eyes met. ‘thank god,’ and slammed his lips against steve’s. the kiss only lasted for a moment, as steve forced himself to pull away, laughing slightly.

‘tony, i love you, but now is not the time.’ he started jogging off into the distance, searching for other teammates.

‘i’m sorry, what the fuck did you just say to me?’ tony yelled after him. ‘that’s not how i pictured our first i love you going. you better get your ass back here so we can do this properly!’

————————————-

the battle was fierce, each time one of them would get hit, the other would panic until they got back up and continued fighting. admittedly, it was a bit of a distraction, but they couldn’t lose eachother. not again. not like this.

when those portals began to open, the sight could not have been more beautiful, more rewarding. tony got up from the rubble and walked to the side of a poorly injured, clearly exhausted steve, shield in one hand, mjolnir in the other. words couldnt begin to describe how proud tony was that steve was worthy. however he couldnt say he was surprised.

tony stood next to the captain in awe, watching as one by one the fallen heroes rose from the ashes. it was stunning, the shining gold surrounding them. tony grabbed steve’s hand and watched, silently reminding eachother to breathe. when peter came through the portal, steve squeezed tony’s hand in excitement, and when bucky entered tony returned the gesture. it was really happening.

pepper flew through and landed gracefully on the ground, right infront of tony. her helmet removed itself from her face as she gave tony a smirk and winked.

‘oh my god, pepper what are you doing here? where did you get that?’

‘you think i would let you fight alone? you have a million of these things in your lab, i thought i might as well take one for a test drive.’

tony ran towards her and embraced her in a hug. ‘thank you... jesus thank you so much. for everything’

she laughed sweetly. ‘thank me later. for now lets kick some ass.’

‘avengers.... assemble.’ exclaimed steve, eager to continue the fight and maintain the army they’ve created. they charge forward in anger, revenge on their minds and spirit in their hearts, ready to return all that was lost.

______________________

tony went into this fight with a mission, to win at any and all costs. and he knew damn well what that meant. infact, the suit that shielded his body wasn’t quite strong enough to allow him to survive. as long as the people he cared about came out alive he couldn’t care less what happened to him. the guilt from even simply existing when so many others couldn’t was eating him alive.

but it hurt, knowing that he could have finally been happy. he knew he loved steve with everything he had, but he’d rather know for sure he was alive then live in a world without him in it.

he wanted, despite the chaos, to say his goodbyes. his quick thank you to pepper may be all he was going to get with her, and time was running out. so he had to move on.

just then, from the smoke, he saw a bright red suit swing into his direction. shit.

the young kid helped tony up, and began rambling from excitement, confusion, adreneline, and that classic peter energy he carried with him wherever he went. how he missed that.

‘kid, hold me’ tony said quietly, giving peter a well deserved hug. the moment was bittersweet, a reunion as well as a goodbye. tony held the kid as tight as he could, trying with everything in him not to break down. at least he knew there would be someone here when he was gone to carry on his legacy. someone who could live the life he never could. to find happiness before its too late. to not make tony’s same mistake.

eventually, the gauntlet made its way back to thanos, tony directly infront of the titan, witnessing him place the final stone onto his hand. he darted forward and attempted to grab it off of him, a desperate and seemingly useless attempt. he was practically begging thanos to give him the gauntlet, to let him do this. to make up for any pain he’s ever caused. to make up for everything. to do something right.

while he was unsuccessful in getting the gauntlet off the monster’s hand, he was able to, against all odds, knock the stones out of their position and summon them towards him. it was time.  
an unbareable pain struck the right side of his body, as he let out what could very well be his final words.

‘i... am... iron man.’

he watched as thanos faded into nothing, and with him, all of the fears tony had been living with since that day in new york. his nightmares, his endless nights of worrying and guilt. his vision wanda showed him all those years ago, fading away from his memory. finally. peace.

he tried to go to a private area of the wreckage, hoping to spare steve from seeing him suffer. yet he failed, and immediately saw his team slowly approach him. rhodey came first, and places tony’s limp face in his hand. without words, each man could express their gratitude towards one another.

tony felt weak, out of control of his body. this scared him, not being in control. he felt his chest start to swell as he saw peter step forward. ‘we won mr. stark. we won, mr stark. we did it sir...’

tony wanted more than anything to calm peter down, to hug him and hold him and tell him everything would be ok, but he felt himself start to drift and physically couldn’t bring himself to move. he was trapped.

finally, he saw a blurry image of steve kneel down to meet his eyes. he used any strength he had in him to make a clear imagine of the soldier’s face. he needed to see those eyes one last time. he needed to.

steve held back tears, for tony’s sake. he knew tony well enough to know he would only feel guilty if he realized he caused steve any pain. he wouldn’t be able to rest peacefully knowing he was hurting. so he maintained his strength for one last moment.

‘tony...’

‘steve,’ he slurred, obviously unable to form words. he was slipping through steve’s fingers.

‘hey, hey look at me, look at me.’ he begged. ‘stay with me tony, please!’

tony moved his head slightly to meet steve’s gaze. the blonde was in distress, and though he tried to be strong, tony could see right through him.

‘i love you too, by the way,’ he struggled. ‘never got a chance to say that earlier.’

this made steve smile, eyes swelled. ‘i love you tony.’

he leaned in for a kiss, right as tony’s eyes began to slip shut. he used every bit of energy he had to keep them open, but they wouldn’t surrender.

so instead, steve rested his forehead on tony’s. ‘it’s ok. sweetie it’s ok. you can rest now’

and with that, tony let himself slip into the darkness. his arc reactor flickered then went out. and that’s when steve completely broke down.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! this is my v last chapter its pretty sad :( ive never successfully written loss so pls lmk what u think <3

he felt as if he was floating in ice cold water. the frigid waters poking each cell of his body, engulfing him in a continuous, mind-numbing pain.

after a week or so he genuinley wondered if something was wrong physically. he kept feeling an unbareable tightening in his chest. it was hard to breathe. he was trapped in is own body, each inhaling breath was like pressing up against prison bars. he wanted more than anything to escape this prison, to rip open his skin and crawl out. to be free, to release this tension thats tearing him apart.

even if he could get out, it wouldn’t help anything. he eventually stopped trying. 

it had been a sort of denial, every once and a while picking up his phone to just see if he had texted, accidentally making breakfast for two instead of one. sometimes it was simply out of habit, and others were purposeful, just to feel a bit more normal.

it felt kind of strange to be honest, this immense feeling of loss that shadowed his every step. he and tony had only been together for a short time, mind you. he kept questioning if he was overreacting, this shouldn’t hurt this bad. should it?

some days were better than others with this mindset. some days he would be rational, and realize that he had known and cared for tony for years. and in their line of work, relationships need to form quickly. luckily that comes naturally, going through unspeakable things alongside people will slowly knit those two souls closer together until that knot can never be untied.

other days were worse. he could have done more. if he did better tony would still be there. it should have been him. sometimes he thinks if thats still a possibility, the guilt a heavy, steel ball and chain around his ankle.

usually he would go to natasha for comfort. bucky was there, and as much as he appreciated the familiar smile and kind eyes, steve felt almost as if he was cheating on tony in some way? he felt unworthy of any sort of happiness. 

nights were the worst of them all. the warm bed he once shared with tony was now charred into ash, and his new sheets were cold and stiff. as he lay there, he longed for the warm touch to help him through the long nights. he could physically feel the wanting, the yearning, chest aching more and more with every thought, arms closing more around his chest each minute. it was pathetic. a desperate attempt to feel any sort of touch. hugging himself, curling up into as small of a ball as he could. all for one moment of peace. the nights were never this hard before. as a soldier he had been trained to fall asleep as soon as possible, needing every second of rest at their disposure. that was different now. he wondered what had changed.

he still only slept on the right side of the bed, though. tony had a strange superstition only permitting him to sleep on the left side of the bed. even in the short time spent together this was made QUITE apparent. 

steve had began to doze off, on the LEFT side of the bed. this wouldn’t do.

‘get up.’ tony demanded.

confused, steve snapped out of his tranquil state. ‘what?’

‘you’re in my spot.’ he said blunty. wasn’t it obvious?

‘im sorry, YOUR spot?’ he couldn’t help but chuckle.

‘i have to be on the left. you’re gonna have to get used to that, cap.’

‘and why’s that?’

‘you know, in case i need to go down to the lab. the doors closer. now scooch.’

steve slowly realized that despite tony’s poor excuse, he had very different motives. when he woke up in the middle of the night to find tony staring at him, (then suddenly pretend to be asleep, as if he wouldn’t notice), it all became clear. steve slept on his left side. tony loved looking at him as he slept, through his endless nights. it helped keep him calm. the thought of this made steve tighten up even more.

it was 3:00 in the afternoon. steve hadn’t eaten in... maybe three? four days? he had lost count. bruce had come in to check his vitals, try to make him drink some water, about once a day. never did any good.

the doctor knocked softly on the door for today’s daily checkup, but just stood in the doorway. steve lifted his head slightly. 

‘i found something.’

_______________________________

steve sat up immediately. the first time he can remember. ‘what is it?’

‘i was looking through the programs to- uh... he had programmed into his helmet. just to make sure there was nothing that needed deactivation.’

the team had learned the hard way that saying tony’s name infront of steve would only cause him to break down. too real. ‘he’ was all he could handle.

‘i found something labeled ‘steve,’’ bruce continued, ‘i haven’t opened it yet, but i thought maybe-‘

‘show it to me.’

down in tony- his- lab, bruce connected the broken armor to a large screen. steve wouldn’t sit and refused to touch anything. he didn’t like when people moved around his stuff. he almost stopped bruce, but he was too desperate to see what was hidden amongst the rubble.

a large play button flashed onto the holographic screen, blue and full of anticipation. bruce looked at steve, who returned with a hesitant nod.

when bruce pressed the button, one eye of the helmet began to glow and project a ray of light to the other side of the room. and there he was. an eerie blue glow around his much-too-small muscles, body limp against the wall. did he record this on the ship?

‘oh my god..’ steve whispered breathlessly. his eyes instantly swelled with tears. it looked too real. part of him wanted to run over to him and engulf him in a hug, the other wanted to leave as soon as possible and escape the possibility of re-living his tragedy. 

‘hey steve.’ tony started, clearly exhausted from lack of food and oxygen. it hurt to see him like this, especially when there was physically nothing steve could do or say to bring even a slight smile to his face. 

‘i’m not sure why i’m doing this exactly. i was thinking of all the people i had something to say to. already recorded something for pepper, of course. if you do see this check up on her for me, will you? and if she’s craving sex you have my permission to step in. give the woman what she wants. but be warned, i’m a lot to live up to. ’

steve’s cheeks flushed, and a small laugh escaped his lips. he had to remind himself this was before they were in love- or whatever they were. some things may be different, he could still be hurt. this whole recording could be tony violently yelling at steve for betraying him all those years ago. but for now this is more than he could ask for, just seeing those eyes again.

‘i don’t even know what to say to you to be honest. i don’t wanna waste what could be my last breaths yelling at you. if i get out of this and if you’re still.... you know... you’ll get plenty of that from me.’

‘i think i wanna say.. thank you? which is weird but i’m gonna do it anyways and you’re gonna listen. you held the team together, well, for a while. if i was in charge lord knows he would have fallen apart much earlier. so thanks for keeping me sane.’

as steve watched and listened with everything he had, he slowly got closer. he knelt down next to the projection, careful not to touch. he wanted to keep the fantasy alive of tony being there for real for as long as possible, without any reminders of what he had lost.

tony inhaled with eyes closed, nearly forcing himself to get out the following words.

‘look you know i’m not an open person or whatever but i might as well... there have been a lot of times where i don’t really want to be here? like right now i’m in this spacecraft with a blue bully and trillions are dead. kinda wish they took me. or in new york, sometimes i think about what would happen if that wormhole just closed with me still floating around inside. would that really have been the worst thing?’

this broke steve’s heart in two. he collapsed from his knees onto the ground in a sob. bruce ran to catch him but he pushed him away. he needed to feel this. he needed to.

‘but you were always there? you didn’t know it but you made me want to be better? and that kind of kept me going. i wish i thanked you for that a lot earlier, i have no idea if you’re even still... there. god if he took you instead of me....’

‘anyways, uh. stay safe down there, okay? take care of yourself and the team for me. make sure barton and nat don’t go at it again that’ll just be akward for everyone.’

‘love you.’

and with that, he disappeared.

‘WAIT’ steve yelled, throwing himself forward to where tony was just sitting. nothing. he fell onto the cold ground, eyes frantically searching to see if he could still picture him there. the image became fuzzier by the second.

bruce ran over to him, helmet in hand. with shaking hands, steve reached up to grab it. he cradled it in his arms. he strangely felt a sense of pride. he had done it, that armor he worked so hard to take off was now in his hands. but it was too late. 

he ran his fingers over the projector, and slowly kissed the helmet’s steel surface.

‘love you too.’


End file.
